I'm So Fake.

Right now I am more depressed then I think I have ever been in my life. All I want to do is lay in my bed, read, watch tv, or whatever else I can do that doesn't require people. It is so unlike me. I love people, what is wrong with me? I am so much meaner in my head than I ever usually am. My temper is short.  My sex drive is gone. I am just all around not a nice person right now.

I fake it like a mother fucker every day though. I go to work and smile and laugh. I go out with the girls and gossip and giggle and talk about boys. I am such a liar. I pretend like I'm so happy all the time and that I'm not exhausted and stressed out and terribly sad...and for what? For the benefit of those that would not be able to handle it if I were upset. 

My friends tell me that I am so confident and so strong and they count on me and blah blah blah. ENOUGH. I need to have a bad day. I need to get mad and yell at someone. O my God, I need to act the way I feel. 

But I can't, that wouldn't be polite. That would mean causing discomfort to other people. Thank God no one reads my blog or there would be a lot of disappointed people right now. 

I did get some relief though, today. 

I finished the book My Sister's Keeper, and it was so good that I locked myself in my room all day to finish it. Left the cell phone downstairs. Blubbered and sobbed the whole time, because the book was so sad. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone that wants a happy ending or anyone that wants to be happy. But if you need a good cry and want to feel moved, it is so excellent. 

Then I went to work and was pleasant and nice like always, and I made 16 dollars. Screw night shift at Ihop. I am so happy I normally work the mornings. 

Ugh, I am so emo. I'm sorry to anyone that reads this.